Have you always had problems keeping your anger in check? Is your temper getting in the way of your relationships?
Poor anger management has always been detrimental to any personal and even professional relationship. We’ve all heard of those stories where the wife had to walk on eggshells around her husband or the office manager who’s hated by all his employees. But before you deal your anger, you have to understand how you express your anger. Being aware of your “anger style” is the first step to take. So which style of anger do you have?
This is the most common and probably one of the unhealthiest ways to express anger. It might take a little or a lot to push you over the edge but when you get there, you’re taking names and lashing out at everyone. Possibly, you never learned how to deal with irritation so you swallow it until your top blows and you get an emotional explosion accompanied by an adrenaline rush.
If this is you, then you have to own your emotions. Research has shown that anger response lasts less than two seconds. Mentally count to ten and by then, the urge to explode will have diminished greatly.
With this, you tend to put blame on yourself whenever something goes wrong. Deciding it’s easier to just be mad at yourself and directing your anger inwards puts a beating on your self-esteem.
Before you start blaming yourself, answer this question: Who says you’re responsible for what happened? Concentrate on your self-worth and overcome your self-blame by developing a sense of worthiness.
Do you know that person who always says “It’s fine,” even if she has a burning rage inside her gut? That’s called avoidance. People who resort to this style of expressing their anger tend to put on a happy face and avoid displaying any signs of irritation. Ultimately, being unable to express one’s anger may result in self-destructive behaviours such as overeating. It also gives people the green light to go on with their bad behaviour.
Dealing with avoidance, you need to step outside yourself. Imagine a friend of yours being abused or neglected. How do you think she would appropriately react to the situation? Make a list of the actions she might make then ask yourself why is it all right for her to react that way and not you? Embrace healthy confrontation and tell the person you’re angry with in a positive, yet constructive way.
This is when expressing negative emotion takes a more indirect route. It’s also your way of making sure that when they get mad, it’s their fault, not yours. After all, you were just kidding, right/?
Even if your comments are witty, these sharp remarks can do a lot to damage your relationships. Sarcasm is actually from the Greek word sarkazein which means “to tear flesh like dogs”. See? It’s just passive-aggressive communication so find words which will express how you feel head-on! Also, speak up before you get bitter.
This anger expression style is underhanded. You don’t hide nor swallow your anger yet you express it in a sneaky way. You hate confrontation but that doesn’t mean you’re a pushover too. But you need to give yourself permission to get angry. Assertiveness is fine but aggression is not. Take control of your situation and own up to your feelings.