By Rebecca Ginder, LCSW, Sex Therapist
Menopause is a powerful, natural transition in a woman’s life—but it’s also one that often comes with a mix of confusion, frustration, and silence. For many women, one of the most unexpected and challenging changes is how menopause affects their sexuality.
You may have asked yourself:
- “Why has my desire disappeared?”
- “Why does sex feel different—or even uncomfortable?”
- “Is something wrong with me?”
Let me reassure you: you are not alone, and nothing is wrong with you. The emotional and physical changes that come with menopause are real, but they don’t mean the end of intimacy or sexual pleasure. In fact, this stage of life can offer an opportunity to reconnect with your body, redefine what sex means for you, and build even more fulfilling experiences.
Let’s talk about what really happens during menopause—and how to thrive through it.
What Happens to Your Body During Menopause?
Menopause is defined as the point when you’ve gone 12 consecutive months without a menstrual period, typically occurring between the ages of 45 and 55. But the changes often begin much earlier, during perimenopause—the transitional stage leading up to menopause.
During this time, your body goes through significant hormonal shifts, especially drops in estrogen and testosterone, which can impact:
- Vaginal lubrication and elasticity
- Libido or sexual desire
- Arousal and orgasm response
- Mood, energy, and self-esteem
These changes can affect how you experience sex, how you feel about your body, and how you connect with your partner. But they are not a sign of failure or dysfunction—they’re a natural shift that can be navigated with the right support and awareness.
Common Sexual Challenges During Menopause
Here are some of the most common issues women share with me in therapy:
1. Lower Libido
Many women notice a dip in sexual desire. This doesn’t mean you’re no longer sexual—it may just take more intention and emotional connection to feel “in the mood.”
2. Vaginal Dryness or Discomfort
Lower estrogen levels can reduce natural lubrication and elasticity, leading to discomfort or even pain during sex. This is incredibly common and treatable.
3. Body Image Struggles
Weight changes, skin shifts, or feeling “different” in your body can impact confidence and make it harder to feel sexy or desirable.
4. Emotional Distance
Hormonal changes and physical symptoms can affect mood and communication, which may increase tension in relationships or reduce intimacy.
How to Reclaim (or Redefine) Sexuality During Menopause
The key to thriving during this transition isn’t forcing yourself to go back to how things “used to be”—it’s learning how to create a new version of intimacy that feels right for where you are now.
1. Prioritize Comfort Over Performance
This is your permission to slow down. Take time to reconnect with your body through self-touch, massage, or simply mindful breathing. If intercourse is uncomfortable, explore other forms of pleasure or use lubricants and moisturizers specifically made for vaginal dryness.
2. Explore Emotional Intimacy First
Sex during menopause often becomes more deeply tied to emotional connection. Prioritize conversations, cuddling, meaningful touch, or date nights to reignite the spark in non-sexual ways first.
3. Use Tools That Help, Without Shame
There is no shame in using support tools like lubricants, vaginal estrogen creams, pelvic floor therapy, or even toys. These are not signs of inadequacy—they’re resources that help you feel more at ease and in control.
4. Rethink What Sex Means to You
Menopause is a chance to rewrite the script. Sex doesn’t have to be about penetration, frequency, or what the media says it should look like. It can be playful, sensual, curious, slow, or deeply emotional.
Tips for Partners: Supporting Intimacy During Menopause
If you’re the partner of someone going through menopause, here’s how you can show up with love and support:
- Be patient and open—this is a transition, not a rejection.
- Ask what feels good and what doesn’t, without pressure.
- Express appreciation and attraction regularly, especially if your partner is struggling with self-image.
- Focus on closeness and connection rather than outcome.
Intimacy is a shared experience, and support makes a huge difference.
When to Consider Therapy
If menopause has left you feeling disconnected from your body, your desire, or your relationship—you don’t have to navigate this alone. Therapy can help you:
- Work through body image shifts or grief around change
- Rebuild sexual confidence
- Improve communication with your partner
- Redefine your sexual identity in this new stage of life
There is nothing “too small” to bring to therapy. Sometimes, simply having a space to discuss your feelings can open up entirely new pathways for growth and healing.
Final Thoughts
Menopause may change your body, but it doesn’t have to take away your pleasure, your connection, or your sexual identity. With understanding, compassion, and the right tools, this chapter of life can be just as vibrant and intimate as any other.
If you’re feeling unsure, disconnected, or overwhelmed, I’d love to help you navigate this transition with clarity and support. Reach out today to schedule a session—we’ll work together to help you feel empowered and reconnected.
Contact me at rebecca@rebeccaginder.com or call (561) 757-5887
